Hitting Rock Bottom: Harison Saunders on Rebuilding

Hitting rock bottom means reaching a point where your old way of living stops working and you can no longer pretend it does. Coach Harison Saunders reached his at 19. On episode 2 of my podcast, CHANGES, he gave a clear order for climbing out: get help first, strip your days back to a few basics, accept where you are, then build a new picture of who you want to be. His first rule is the one most people skip: "If it's not a coach, it's a friend, just tell someone that you're struggling".

If you feel low most days or have thoughts of harming yourself, start with a doctor or a helpline, not a podcast. In Germany, TelefonSeelsorge answers at 0800 111 0 111, 0800 111 0 222 or 116 123. In the US, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. The American Psychological Association advises professional help when you cannot function as well as you would like or perform basic activities of daily living.

Who is Harison Saunders?

Harison hosts The Growth Voyage, a podcast about men's challenges and personal growth, and coaches men through the same journey. I was a guest on his show, episode 37, and he came on CHANGES to talk about how rock bottom became his superpower. His message, in his words: "anyone can change their lives if they really want to".

How Harison hit rock bottom

His childhood started out happy. Then "the age of six, that's when my parents got divorced", and at school "I always struggled to sort of fit in." At 15 he decided to change his life and started doing hard things on purpose, beginning with a cold shower: "I really think my first cold shower, that's where my life started to change." He has taken one every day since. "I absolutely love them now." He started training, ran the London Marathon at 18 and looked stronger every year.

Then came university. At a party at 19, the person he was seeing chose someone else that night, and "I entered sort of depression for the first time". Looking back, he sees why it hit so hard: "even though my physical appearance started changing, and the way I carried myself on the outer world, my inner world hadn't changed yet."

The pattern underneath: nice guy syndrome

Harison spent years fighting symptoms such as people pleasing, weak boundaries and staying in toxic company to be liked. Then he read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and recognised himself. "I'm literally the nice guy." His summary of the pattern: nice guys are "using niceness as a fear based strategy". They fear rejection if they show up as they are.

It still shows up for him as perfectionism. He reminds himself of "progress over perfection" and admits it is easy to say and hard to do. The turning point was taking responsibility: "once I realized that I'm the one who allowed all the stuff to happen in my life, that's where my life started to change".

After hitting rock bottom: Harison's five steps

At the end of our talk I asked what someone at their lowest should do first. Harison answered in order.

1. Get help

"the first one is get help." Coach, friend or doctor, say it out loud. He names the main reason people don't: "I think pride is a big one." And: "we self sabotage by not asking for help." At 19, two close friends got him through. "it's never too much, never too embarrassing."

2. Strip it back to the basics

"strip it back to the basics." Then ask: "What are the foundations that you need every single day?" His non-negotiables are sleep, "I'm getting at least seven hours a day", daily physical activity and simple, unprocessed food. Pick three you can protect even on your worst day.

3. Accept where you are

Harison explains why people feel lost: "you had an identity of who you were before, and now you're a bit lost". Fighting that gap creates more pressure. His advice: "just accept where you're at." Then set boundaries, starting with yourself.

4. Picture who you want to become

"Get really clear on who this best version of yourself is." Then map out a plan, work backwards to the daily habits it needs, and change the environment that keeps pulling you back.

5. Slow down and write

Feeling lost often comes with rushing from one fix to the next. Harison suggests you "get a journal out", and: "Go to nature, sit down with your book and just start writing". Writing helps you hear what you think.

Shame, setbacks and talking about it

The most uncomfortable truth Harison shared about himself was shame. He has carried it most of his life, often hidden behind perfectionism. His fix: "the number one killer of shame is to talk about it." Avoiding it, by scrolling, working or drinking, restarts the cycle.

He also expects setbacks. After a bad weekend, it's tempting to think all progress is gone. "if you do fall back into old patterns, that doesn't define you". On another low night, after a party he hosted went wrong, he walked into a field the next morning and told himself: "one day it's going to be better, and I'm gonna be remembering this moment." He does remember it.

A new place does not fix old patterns

Harison suggests a change of environment if you can afford it, even a one-way ticket. I added a warning from my own life: "changing a location won't immediately mean that you're changing your life." When I went to Thailand, I drank as much as I did in Germany. A new address only helps if you change the habits you bring with you.

Don't overdo self-development

Once you start growing, it can turn into its own trap. "you can get so obsessed with growth and self development, you forget to live life a bit". Harison's fix is to apply one lesson at a time before reading the next book. His advice to his 18-year-old self: "Everything is going to work out perfectly. Just enjoy the ride more."

What this means if you are starting over

Most of the people I coach are starting over in a new country, and Harison's order works for them too. Tell one person this week. Protect three basics. Write down who you were and who you want to be next. If limiting stories about yourself keep you stuck, my guide on limiting beliefs shows how to test them. If you are in your twenties or early thirties and everything feels wrong at once, read about the quarter-life crisis.

When you are ready to rebuild your work life, my career change coaching gives you a plan and someone who checks in while you follow it. Coaching works alongside treatment, never instead of it.

Watch the full episode

We talked for close to two hours, about relationships, manifestation, community, consistency and what to look for in a coach. Harison's red flag for a coach: "not embodying the stuff that they're preaching." Watch CHANGES episode 2 with Harison Saunders on YouTube (opens in a new tab), and find every episode on the CHANGES podcast page. Guests speak for themselves.

For more CHANGES stories of rebuilding, read how to start over in life. Or book a call and tell me where you are starting from.