How to Start Over in Life: Lessons From CHANGES
How to start over in life, at home or abroad: what psychologists say about resilience, five lessons from CHANGES podcast guests and a 30-day plan to begin.
How to start over in life: accept that the old situation is gone, pick one small step you can take today, and repeat it every day. Find people early, because nobody rebuilds alone. The American Psychological Association (APA) calls this resilience: the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma or major stress, built from connection, wellness, healthy thinking and meaning. Anyone can learn it. Expect the first months to hurt, and get professional help if you stop functioning in daily life.
I have had to start over myself. I went through depression, lost 45 kg, sailed across the Atlantic and built a business again in a new country. Since 2022 I have coached more than 2,000 adults in Germany's career and integration programmes, and most of them were starting over in a new country. On my podcast, CHANGES, I talk with people who moved countries, lost something and rebuilt. This guide pulls together what the research says and what I took from those conversations.
How to start over in life: what psychologists say
The APA's guide Building your resilience (opens in a new tab) gives the most useful frame I know. Three points from it matter most when you are starting over:
- Resilience is a skill. The APA describes it as behaviours, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn and develop. You do not need to be born tough.
- Distress is part of the road. The road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress. Feeling bad in month two does not mean you chose wrong.
- Four parts carry it: connection, wellness, healthy thinking and meaning.
| APA component | What it means in practice when you start over |
|---|---|
| Connection | Find empathetic people early; join a group, club or community |
| Wellness | Sleep, food, exercise; avoid numbing the pain with alcohol or drugs |
| Healthy thinking | Accept that change is part of life; look back at what helped you before |
| Meaning | Set small goals and act on one each day; help someone else |
The APA's most practical line is a question: what is one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go? Ask it every morning for a month.
Five lessons from the CHANGES podcast
CHANGES started in 2025, between Bali and Vilnius. I look for guests with a real turning point: founders who built in an unfamiliar country, investors in markets most people avoid, anyone willing to talk about what happened, the bad parts included. Each conversation left me with one lesson.
1. You can stay longer than you planned
Aliaksei Korzh came to Bali as a tourist for two months and stayed. He built restaurants and one of the closest Belarusian communities on the island. The lesson I take from his story: a new life often starts as a visit. You do not need a five-year plan to move. You need enough curiosity to stay and see what the place offers. Episode 1
2. Rock bottom can be a foundation
Harison Saunders hit rock bottom and used it as the base for real change. In our conversation we talk about rebuilding when you have nothing left. When everything is gone, you also lose the habits and obligations that held you in place. On that empty ground you can build something new. Episode 2
3. Most people fail when they start over, and the reasons are learnable
Greg Grigoriev left home and built a business and a family in Bali from scratch. In the episode he names the biggest myth in Bali real estate and explains why most people fail when they start over. The lesson for anyone moving countries: learn how the new market works from people who have survived in it before you put money in. Episode 3
4. The system around you holds you in place
Justin Laule, host of the Das Game podcast, and I recorded in Bali. We talk about how school, money and the people around you keep you inside the system, and what it took each of us to get out. Starting over often means changing your company of people as much as your address. Episode 4
5. Don't rebuild alone
In a CHANGES webinar, community builder Gil Petersil explains why most people network the wrong way, and how a mastermind group gets you further than working alone. That matches the APA's first component. When you arrive somewhere new, your network is close to zero, so build it on purpose. Watch the webinar
My own story is in a guest appearance on The Growth Voyage podcast, episode 37: depression, solitude and fasting, losing 45 kg, 24 of them in one month, and what sailing across the Atlantic taught me. All episodes are on the CHANGES podcast page and on YouTube (opens in a new tab).
Starting over abroad: the practical side
Moving to another country, alone or with family, adds paperwork and a job market you do not know yet. My working life started in Germany, in an automotive lab in Wuppertal in 2013, and today I build companies from Vilnius. When I coach someone who is starting over in a new country, we begin with three questions: what fits your skills, what the job market in your new country pays for, and which step comes first.
Sort the order like this:
- Status and money. Residence and work permits, health insurance, a bank account, income for the first three to six months.
- A first job in your field. Even one level down, it gets you local experience, references and language practice.
- The language. Take a course in the first month, even if your job runs in English. Daily life and the next promotion often depend on it.
- People. Colleagues, a sports club, a language exchange, your own community abroad. Aliaksei's community and Gil's mastermind both point the same way.
If you are moving to Germany, start with my guides to finding a job in Germany as an English speaker and the German CV format.
A 30-day plan to start over
| Days | Focus | Actions |
|---|---|---|
| 1-7 | Accept and stabilise | Write down what is gone and what remains: skills, savings, people. Fix sleep and one daily walk. |
| 8-14 | One direction | Pick one goal for the next three months. Break it into weekly steps. |
| 15-21 | People | Contact five people: old colleagues, a group in your field, someone who made the same move. |
| 22-30 | First result | Finish one concrete thing: an application, a course enrolment, a first client conversation. |
On day 30, look back at who or what helped, as the APA suggests, and plan the next 30 days from there.
When starting over needs more than a plan
Starting over hurts, and some of that pain needs treatment. The APA advises professional help if you are unable to function as well as you would like or perform basic activities of daily living after a hard experience. If you feel low most days, see a doctor. My guide to the quarter-life crisis lists where to get help in Germany, the US and the UK.
If your new start is about work, read how to change careers or, if you are older, career change at 40. And if you want someone to build the plan with you and check in while you follow it, my career coaching works in English, German, Lithuanian or Russian. Book a call and tell me where you are starting from.
Questions and answers
How do I start over in life with nothing?
Start with one thing you can do today, then repeat it tomorrow. The American Psychological Association advises breaking a problem that feels too big into manageable pieces and asking what one thing you can accomplish today that moves you in the direction you want. Add people early: connection is one of the four core parts of resilience the APA names.
Is it too late to start over at 30, 40 or 50?
No. The APA describes resilience as behaviours, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn and develop. What changes with age is the starting point: more obligations, and more skills and contacts to build on. Use them.
How do I start over in a new country?
Sort out the basics first: residence status, income, a place to live. Then build a small circle of people fast, through work, a language course, a club or your own community abroad. Expect the first months to hurt. The APA notes that the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress.
What is the CHANGES podcast?
CHANGES is my podcast on YouTube: long conversations with people who moved countries, lost something and rebuilt. Guests include restaurateur Aliaksei Korzh, entrepreneur Harison Saunders, Greg Grigoriev, who built a business and a family in Bali, and Justin Laule of the Das Game podcast.
When should I get professional help?
When you cannot function the way you want to or manage basic daily activities after a hard life event, as the APA puts it. If you feel low most days or think about harming yourself, talk to a doctor or a helpline first.